HATE IT FOR YA EMMA

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Regardless of the fact that we live in North Carolina, in the United States, we are infatuated with the Royal Couple.  Everything they do is royal.  Royal honeymoon, royal staff, royal pooper.  Whatever.  William and Kate have taken root in my brain as people I wish to be, or at least be friends with.  Thusly, when Kate popped out her baby this week, I was tuned all up to CNN to watch the how and why.  At one point I went to cnn.com, where it said at the top "Breaking News: Kate delivered vaginally."  Not one to cuss too much in public, but why???????  Why would you even put that word on the front page of your website??  They must have realized it, because the refresh button revealed only that she had a natural delivery.  Any modesty I had when Emma came left quickly when I checked into the room with a gown that had no back, but there is no reason for that nonsense.

There are some subtle differences between the arrival of Emma and this arrival of George (George Alexander Louis). 

No one was waiting outside UNC Hospitals to see whether I had a girl or boy.
There were reporters all over London waiting for the state of Kate's cervix.

I was in the hospital with Emma for 6 days.
Kate apparently popped the kid out and went home in less time than it takes for a 24 hour pee test.

I had my hair pulled up, wore pajama pants and had to sit in a plastic wheelchair when leaving.
Kate had a shower, her hair straightened, put on makeup, wore a cute polka dot dress and waltzed out like she just went to a meeting.

We had the hospital valet pull the Honda up, which took 15 minutes and we paid $10.
A Range Rover appeared out of nowhere.  He has people.

David spent about 5-10 minutes making sure the car seat fit into the car properly.
William walked out and clicked the seat in and hopped in the other side of the car.

We drove 10 mph back to Durham to our lovely home that had seating for 4 people total.
William hightailed it to Kensington Palace, where they have seating for many, many more.

We ate fast food or nothing for many days after we arrived home and I think I took a shower sometime.
They have people that will cook fish and chips and make sure they don't smell worse than the baby's diaper.

To Emma, I am so sorry that you weren't born into royalty like lil George (the Prince formerly known as baby).  I am sorry you had to stay in the hospital so long and that your arrival at home was not to a palace, but to a home that still needed to have its boxes unpacked.  I'm sorry that someday, you won't rule your own kingdom (legitimately) or have your swaddle brand the source of national news.  Perhaps you'll marry a Prince one day because, as you know, the world is your oyster (whatever that means). 

Rest assured that we love you just as much, if not more, than William and Kate love this George kid.  We will likely not have nannies, but will drive you crazy because we won't leave you alone will dedicate ourselves to your well-being and happiness on a much more personal level.  We will do our best to make sure you're successful in whatever you want to do (within reason) and hope that you are a good person as you grow and develop.

Plus, Prince George is not and never will be.....big on the pig like you!!!